The new is: once killed a man and fled to Canada.

The new is: having the last word.

The new is: begging for it.

The new is: leaving your windows open at night with a fan on.

The new is: jacking off to porno subgenres that you couldn't even bear to watch ten years ago

The new is: doing what you said you were gonna do.

The new is: movie club, Sunday nights.

The new is: being proud of things that you, in fact, did not actually accomplish.

The new is: Michael Jackson for sainthood.

The new is: getting away with a 10-star idea because everybody is too lazy to rate my posts.

The new is: giving my doctor the roaring elbow

The new is: not watching hockey.

The new is: not knowing what you don't know.

The new is: Not being a douche bag.

The new is: raspberries in vodka cranberry. Delish.

The new is: eat a bagel like a boss.

The new is: the switch button at the top of this page.

The new is: People trying to get you to do something by suggesting you will in front of a group of people...

The new is: playing baseball on steroids.

The new is: Ron Paul singles.

The new is: Mike & Molly's for last call.

The new is: becoming a professional athlete and getting away with everything.

The new is: / as a conjunction. Step aside but, and, or this junction has a new function.

The new is: the Daily Paul

The new is: making as much noise as possible when Nancy is next door. WOOOOOOOOOO!

The new is: car chases and explosions

The new is: listening to older Beatles.

The new is: The United States government staging military coups.

The new is: you got it dude.

The new is: newspeak.